Letter to my baby daddy: AKA “Papa”

You are a father.  You are the father of my child.  There are no words to express how this makes me feel.  Oh, there are some words that come close: happy, lucky, in love.

We’ve never stood before our loved ones and friends and spoken vows like “for better or worse.”  But I’ve experienced something even better than hearing you say, “I do.”  I’ve watched you act out these words, these vows, this commitment.  I’ve watched you give them meaning.

As everybody knows by now, we wanted a home birth.  During the process of preparing for this, you became a wonderful father.  You played music for our baby, rubbed my back, read books, and went to appointments and classes with me.  You were prepared to catch the baby, our baby, cut the cord, and be the first one to tell me whether we had a boy or girl.  Watching you get ready to become a father, I thought I could never love you more.  I was wrong.

After my c-section you became more than Oscar’s father, you became his primary caretaker during the first day of his life.  While I was stuck in bed for that first twenty-four hours, you held him, bathed him, changed his diapers, and passed him around proudly to doctors, nurses, and visitors.  You also took care of me with patience and tenderness.  We will never be the same.  We are now a family.

Since then, I’ve watched in awe as you’ve developed a relationship with our son.  You are still the primary diaper changer, but you’ve also become the primary laundry doer, joke teller, baby airplane engine, and car-seat lifter.  Oscar looks like you in so many ways, but even more I hope he becomes like you: funny, creative, caring, strong, gentle, and brave.

Love, S.