For the past couple of months, ever since Oscar started standing, I’ve been thinking of him as a little boy instead of a baby. He does a lot of boy-like things (if I may generalize), like yelling, spitting, hitting, throwing, and banging. I love his little boy energy and his sense of humor. I get caught up in how quickly he grows and changes and I look forward to each new development.
Then there are moments like last night. He was having trouble falling asleep, so I came upstairs to nurse him again (he is easily distracted while nursing, so he often doesn’t eat enough). He nursed for a long time, and fell soundly asleep. I was about to get up and dump him in his crib, when suddenly I could see the little baby he was for such a short time.
So I forgot everything I wanted to get done and I just held and rocked my baby boy, because time moves faster than ever before, and I wanted to cherish this moment.
I really have no idea what I’m doing.
Flying by the seat of my pants is something I’m used to doing while teaching, cooking, and accessorizing, but it’s not something I am entirely comfortable with when it comes to parenting. After all, I am shaping a human being.
I am continuously astonished by how being a parent has changed my life. I used to think I had it all under control, but one thing after another crumbled beneath me.
- I knew I would have a home birth. I wasn’t expecting to have a breech baby and an emergency c-section.
- I knew I would breastfeed. I wasn’t expecting three months of excruciating pain or having a baby that wanted to eat hourly at 9 months. I am now going against LLL and putting him on a schedule (gasp!).
- I knew I wouldn’t let my baby “cry-it-out.” I wasn’t expecting that he would never sleep through the night.
- I knew I would co-sleep. I wasn’t expecting to have a baby who slept better alone in his crib.
- I knew I would not vaccinate. I wasn’t expecting that I would decide to vaccine my child on a modified schedule and that I would change my whole world view about vaccinations.
- I knew I would not allow Oscar to watch television. I wasn’t expecting how desperately lonely it can be to be home with a baby, or how well reruns of Friends can alleviate that loneliness.
- I knew I would fall in love. I just had no idea how hard.
I’m not a perfect mom, and Oscar will not be a perfect child. But one day I realized that I don’t want him to be perfect. I hate perfect people!
I’m tired, so I started letting Oscar cry instead of getting up to feed him every two hours. I decided to cut out one feeding at a time, and currently his bedtime is 7:00, I feed him before I go to bed, and then he usually sleeps from around midnight until 5:00 A.M., which is HEAVENLY.
Oscar got the H1N1 vaccine. He had no side effects at all, as has been the case with all of his vaccines.
I worry A LOT. I worry that Oscar will get sick or injured. I’m actually pretty pissed that I created this magical little person, because now there is no way I could live without him.
Oscar is funny as hell. We play this game now where I yell and then he yells. Sometimes I look at him, take a deep breath, and we both yell at the same time. I have decided that this is now my all-time favorite activity.
Having a kid will really and truly ruin your life. In the best possible way.
Seventeen months ago I woke up on Saturday, June 14th, knowing I was pregnant, because I had just taken a pregnancy test the day before.
Exactly eight months after that, I woke up on Saturday, February 14th, knowing I was a mom, because Oscar was born the night before.
This morning I woke up on Saturday, November 14th, knowing I was the luckiest woman in the world, because I could look over and see the face of my nine-month-old little boy.
Thank you, Oscar, for making every day special.
I have officially passed my previous personal best of 28,000 words for Nanowrimo. This is my sixth year participating and this is the most I’ve ever written. Actually, this is the most I’ve written on any novel, ever.
I want to thank everyone who has been following along and cheering me on.
The word count widgets seem to be working again, so I put mine back underneath my profile. This way if I don’t get a chance to post every day, you can still follow my word count.
I am halfway to my goal of 50,000 words for the month of November and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m a little nervous because my plot is getting pretty big and I’m afraid I’m going to lose track of it all together. I need to make a list of characters and locations to help me keep track of everything, not to mention an outline of some kind. The most words I’ve ever written during Nanowrimo was 28,000, and it looks like I am AT LEAST going to pass that previous personal best.
Tomorrow Oscar is 9 months old! His birthday falls on Friday the 13th, and since he was born on a Friday the 13th I’m thinking of having a little party for him. All this means is just me, Darin, Oscar, and a cupcake. Because sometimes I need an excuse to eat a cupcake. I’ll probably wait until Oscar is in bed because we are not ready to give him sugar yet.
Tomorrow is also his routine appointment with his pediatrician. I’m curious to find out how much he weighs. I will also know more about the H1N1 vaccine (whether or not it’s available and whether or not I’m going to give it to Oscar).
I sense another blog post coming on!
I haven’t missed my nightly writing session! For those of you who were wondering (I think two people might still be reading this blog, lol) I didn’t post last night because I wanted to leave up the picture of Oscar for one more day. I have the feeling people might be getting sick of these NaNoWriMo posts.
I am almost halfway there! However, my story is not halfway completed, so I think this novel might end up being longer than 50,000 words. I can’t type as fast as the story comes to me, and last night I woke up twice thinking about what was going to happen next.
The word count widgets I grabbed from the NaNoWriMo website are malfunctioning, so I’ve temporarily removed them from the sidebar.
Hope everyone is doing well! Now back to my story…
You might notice that top shelf of the bookcase behind Oscar is empty. That’s because Oscar loves to pull everything off it! We got tired of putting everything back, and now just leave it empty except for Oscar’s books and toys.
Oscar loves books. He loves to stack them, throw them, chew on them, and best of all…actually look at them.
My favorite moments are when it’s quiet and I look over at Oscar in his exersaucer or on the floor bent over a book, turning the pages as best he can and looking at the pictures. The book he’s holding in this picture is called Baby 123 and it’s currently his favorite. I keep thinking he’ll get tired of it, but he never does. It’s the one book he’ll sit still for when I read it to him.
As a life-long book lover, I look forward to teaching Oscar about books and sharing my favorites with him. I only hope he will love them too.
I Capture Perfect Moments.
For more perfect moments, visit Lori
This is the first time in my entire life, since I decided in the seventh grade that I wanted to be a writer, that I have written consistently every night for a week. I didn’t even write this consistently when I was writing my dissertation.
My novel is clipping along. Something truly astonishing happened tonight. I cried when writing about one of my characters. She is alive for me now, and I feel more compelled than ever to tell her story, which is no longer my story, but now belongs entirely to her.
Still plugging along. Not much to write about today. My fingers hurt and I’m tired. I feels really good to keep up with and exceed my goal of writing 2000 words each day. I’m 2,240 words ahead of my goal and more than 4,000 words ahead of where I need to be to make 50,000 words in thirty days.
I added a couple of new widgets to my sidebar which show my writing progress. I probably won’t keep all three; I’m trying to decide which one I like best.
I like the one that says I am 1/3 of the way done with my novel!
My plot is beginning to get complicated. Tomorrow I need to do a little research and outlining.
This is how I felt tonight when I sat down to write. I was so tired that I almost skipped this writing session. I’ve been writing at night after Oscar goes to bed, and tonight I thought I wouldn’t be able to keep my eyes open. A familiar little voice told me that I’m ahead on my word count, so it’s ok to skip, JUST THIS ONCE.
This is the same voice that tells me it won’t hurt to have a couple of cookies (right before I eat the whole package). In other words, it’s the voice of the devil. The one that sits on my shoulder and laughs at me when i write a sentence and asks me who I think I am, trying to write a novel. Who am I kidding? It’s the one that makes my angel cry.
Tonight was different. Tonight I knew that if I skipped, the spell would be broken and I would be done. It’s that simple. If I miss one night, I’m done. You might think that this is crazy, extreme thinking, but I know how my mind words. I know about motivation and momentum.
So I sat down with various treats to keep me going and I began typing. And I typed, and typed, and typed. When Oscar woke up and cried, Darin went upstairs and got him to go back to sleep.
That’s true love.
And for one more night, I am a writer.