You’ve had many firsts in the last month. First Christmas. First funeral. First time staying with grandma while Papa and I went to see a movie together for the first time since before you were born.  First ear infection.

There are many firsts to come: first steps, first words, and the one I’m most looking forward to, first cake. Mmmm…cake…you’re gonna like cake, Oscar. I just have a feeling about that one.

I wish I could stop time. Or at least slow it down a little.

I know what it means to have a boy, and I couldn’t be more excited. Trains! Cars! Legos! Finger paints! Trips to the emergency room!

I also know what it means to have a baby, a little baby, and I couldn’t be more sad, because that time with you will soon be lost to me forever.

Why is the first year so short? Why does it go by so fast? I kick myself now, wishing so much of it away. I remember in the beginning, when I couldn’t wait for your belly button to fall off, couldn’t wait for my body to heal, couldn’t wait until you could sit up and play by yourself. Being the parent of a newborn is hard, but it’s also magical, and I’m so glad my first time was with you, baby Oscar.

As you head into the last month of your first year, I wish you as much happiness and joy and as you have brought to everyone around you.

Love, Mama