Once More, with Feeling: Why I’m Leaving Social Media

At the end of December I took a month-long break from Facebook and Instagram, and it was great. I actually lost the urge to post, although I occasionally peeked in to check for notifications and messages. When I found myself browsing I remembered why I wanted to leave in the first place. Then, last week I went on Spring Break, and for the first time in YEARS I did not post during a vacation. It was heaven. When we got back, I reflected a bit, and then just flat-out deleted my Facebook and Instagram. I couldn’t be happier.

My problems with social media:

  • Social media is a waste of my time
  • Social media turns us all into dopamine addicts
  • Social media steals our data and makes money off of it
  • Social media perpetuates lies about our lives
  • Social media creates a false sense of intimacy

I’m closer than ever to finishing my novel, having written 250 pages and knowing the ending has made me super excited that this is the year I will finally finish. I’m also working harder at my job and taking on more responsibility, and I hate the way social media sucks away both my time and my ability to concentrate.

One way that social media accomplishes this is the through the manipulation of a brain chemical called dopamine. Every time you get a notification: someone likes or comments on a post, you get an email in your inbox, or you hear a ding–your brain gets a hit of dopamine. This is a powerful and very addictive chemical and your brain will do anything to get more. This is why when you’re active on social media you are always thinking about your next post. Your brain knows how to get its fix.

Not only do we want to post, we want to make ourselves look good, so we spend a lot of time thinking about what we should post that will make us look good. Let’s show the rest of the world that we are busy, happy, well-traveled, and well-liked. How can we make ourselves the envy of our neighbors, friends, and family? Or, at least, show them that we are as good as they are. It has been interesting for me to witness the real lives of some people who post on social media, and let me tell you, their posts do not reflect their reality. And while most of us know this on one level, I’m sure we all still feel a little bad, a little behind, and a little left out when we scroll through social media.

I’ve noticed that social media also creates a false sense of friendship and intimacy. I’ve made a lot of connections with people on Facebook, and my posts are often well-liked, but this doesn’t translate into real-world warmth and friendship beyond the scope of what I’ve posted. I’m looking to foster deeper connections with a smaller group of people.

Although a blog is also a curated look at life, and only skims the surface of intimacy, it does have a few benefits. My blog belongs to me, not Mark Zuckerberg, and I’ve disabled comments to minimize notifications. It’s more of place for me to publish my thoughts and some pictures rather than add to the endlessly scrolling newsfeed filled with people trying to prove something to each other.

There is a concept in marketing called “the bottomless bowl,” which is the idea that, as humans, we will eat more from a container that is constantly being refilled than we will from a set portion. Social media and news outlets have taken advantage of this with endlessly scrolling newsfeeds filled with misleading clickbait.

I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I want to be more conscious of how I spend my time, and I want to model that for my children. I’ve decided that the negatives of social media far outweigh the positives. Instead, I will focus more on reading books, writing, spending time outside and with my kids, and writing emails and texts to friends and family who don’t live near me. The few people who will miss my presence on social media know where to find me.

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